8.11.2011
31...
I am writing about a revelation. I think for most of my first 26, almost 27 years, I have ignored the amazingness of my parents as a couple. My parents have been going strong for 31 years as of yesterday. I, as well as everyone else in their lives, have always been able to count on my parents. I never realized how much of a unit they are together. When Jill and I have a problem we know we can go to them, the same for people in the church, our family, or anyone else. I don't think I realized how much I always say my parents or "them" more than I do my dad or pronouns that describe my parents as individuals. It has not been until I have seen other couples and taken their unity completely for granted. Looking back I see how couples could act together, and it is a great Christian example for Jill and I to follow. Thanks mom and dad.
5.16.2011
Uncles
I am blessed. I know that. I probably didn't know that nearly as much as a kid growing up with such an amazing family. My parents have a pretty big family. I enjoyed playing with several cousins on either side. I knew how great that was, but didn't know how much I loved and enjoyed the company of their parents until recently. With time passing I realize more and more how blessed I was to have Aunts and Uncles to help me along in life. My uncles helped shaped who I became as a man.
I learned the following from my uncles....
My Uncle Bruce I learned to dive. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it also makes me think about the little things in life. I learned to dive off a diving board that was at a shared pool at an apartment he and my aunt rented. It took maybe an hour, but it stuck and I still dive the same way today (which I think I do pretty well). When Heath was sick I remember him being here. I don't remember anything he said or anything he did specifically, but he was here. Now I like to pick his brain on xbox games, church structure, and the little things in life.
Uncle Same loves sports, and karoke. He always asked me how wrestling was going through high school, which sounds basic but not everyone asked. Our shared love of sports was the basis for our relationship until I was about 20. Now he makes the family laugh with movie jokes at family gatherings. From him I learned celebrate your commonalities (and brace yourself for anything in life since he was the only male in a 5 person family)
Uncle Steve taught me to be excited about family. He always loves being around his family.
Uncle Robert taught me several things. He definitely showed me what good investments get you, and always told all the nephews about saving our money. I still have a small savings account asked me to start with my graduation check. Our relationship also taught me it is never too late to start a good relationship. I wish we would have known each other more when I was younger, but distance didn't allow it. Today with cell phones and especially facebook we have a much better relationship, and I always enjoy talking to him. He also taught me it's ok to take your time getting a degree.
My Uncle Sonny was a second father. All of the nephews benefited from Sonny's knowledge. I still apply many of life's lessons he taught me. The way I define success comes in major part from him. I remember telling him I wanted to successful, but I was using it in terms of being rich. He said that he thought he had taught me better then to define success in those terms. I remember him treating anyone and everyone with respect. I learned the value in loving your family (some of my happiest times with my brother are at his house, and while few were captured on film; they are all very vivid in my mind) I also learned what computers to use.
Those of you not in my family probably heard it as rambling, but there is a lesson. Some of God's gifts come attached to the family you have. Enjoy them all, we don't have them long.
--Be Excellent to Each Other
I learned the following from my uncles....
My Uncle Bruce I learned to dive. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it also makes me think about the little things in life. I learned to dive off a diving board that was at a shared pool at an apartment he and my aunt rented. It took maybe an hour, but it stuck and I still dive the same way today (which I think I do pretty well). When Heath was sick I remember him being here. I don't remember anything he said or anything he did specifically, but he was here. Now I like to pick his brain on xbox games, church structure, and the little things in life.
Uncle Same loves sports, and karoke. He always asked me how wrestling was going through high school, which sounds basic but not everyone asked. Our shared love of sports was the basis for our relationship until I was about 20. Now he makes the family laugh with movie jokes at family gatherings. From him I learned celebrate your commonalities (and brace yourself for anything in life since he was the only male in a 5 person family)
Uncle Steve taught me to be excited about family. He always loves being around his family.
Uncle Robert taught me several things. He definitely showed me what good investments get you, and always told all the nephews about saving our money. I still have a small savings account asked me to start with my graduation check. Our relationship also taught me it is never too late to start a good relationship. I wish we would have known each other more when I was younger, but distance didn't allow it. Today with cell phones and especially facebook we have a much better relationship, and I always enjoy talking to him. He also taught me it's ok to take your time getting a degree.
My Uncle Sonny was a second father. All of the nephews benefited from Sonny's knowledge. I still apply many of life's lessons he taught me. The way I define success comes in major part from him. I remember telling him I wanted to successful, but I was using it in terms of being rich. He said that he thought he had taught me better then to define success in those terms. I remember him treating anyone and everyone with respect. I learned the value in loving your family (some of my happiest times with my brother are at his house, and while few were captured on film; they are all very vivid in my mind) I also learned what computers to use.
Those of you not in my family probably heard it as rambling, but there is a lesson. Some of God's gifts come attached to the family you have. Enjoy them all, we don't have them long.
--Be Excellent to Each Other
5.08.2011
Cheap Tendencies
I always thought I was cheap, but today it was proven. I love my wife, sister (Anita), and mother very much. I try to show them everyday, but want to celebrate what they do for their families on Mother's Day especially. So we got everyone nice frames with the all of the kids. Everything turned out great. To get the pictures done I had them printed and went to get the frames. Frames were kind of pricey, but were about what I expected. To save time I went to get the cards while the pictures were printing. My jaw dropped. Almost all the cards were around $4 or $4.50 a piece. They didn't have a price in them, sing, or any other extravagance. I was shocked. I finally found one $1, one $2.50, but the other 2 were $3...ouch. They all essentially said Happy Mother's Day I love you. All of which I said later when I signed it. I think as a result I will make my own cards from now on. I can find a nice poem and keep my $3 for something better.
--Be Excellent to Each Other
--Be Excellent to Each Other
4.17.2011
Looking Back
I really am blessed.
Saturday we had the campus ministry's end of the year banquet. It went well. Good food, good times, no major hiccups. It was fun to see everyone and even had a few alumni come by. But my favorite part was the introspection.
Mike Bryan spoke for our customary "go forth and conquer" speech from an alumnus. There have been several guys who have done it, and Mike was the first to speak twice. He did not disappoint. It was really inspiring, and he did a good job of telling our students (and me) to make sure to define success the right way. It was also nice to start sending off our graduates in style. It's always tough seeing students go.
My favorite part of the event every year is the slideshow. It's fun to get to use my editing software on the presentation. It's also great to see a year in review from what all God has allowed us to do. Looking back is always a lot of fun.
And now on to the next year full of new adventures
--Be Excellent To Each Other
Saturday we had the campus ministry's end of the year banquet. It went well. Good food, good times, no major hiccups. It was fun to see everyone and even had a few alumni come by. But my favorite part was the introspection.
Mike Bryan spoke for our customary "go forth and conquer" speech from an alumnus. There have been several guys who have done it, and Mike was the first to speak twice. He did not disappoint. It was really inspiring, and he did a good job of telling our students (and me) to make sure to define success the right way. It was also nice to start sending off our graduates in style. It's always tough seeing students go.
My favorite part of the event every year is the slideshow. It's fun to get to use my editing software on the presentation. It's also great to see a year in review from what all God has allowed us to do. Looking back is always a lot of fun.
And now on to the next year full of new adventures
--Be Excellent To Each Other
3.31.2011
Small Things
I often think about how it will be when we are rehashing stories about my brother with the boys. Avery was not quit 4 when he died, and obviously Taylor will never get to meet him. I wonder if Avery will remember anything, and how I'm sure they'll ask if I miss him and I'll smile and say sometimes, probably while fighting back a tear or two. But I really hoped there was a little retention of memories of Heath by Avery so when we told Taylor about his uncle that Avery could back them up; and give a child's perspective on how he was as an uncle.
Wednesday Avery wanted to go to Macdonald's before church. He enjoys it because he gets to play with two of his friends on the playground. I hate it because the food is one grade above dirt, but I sacrifice for the children. So I was feeling sub-par after my meal at Macdonald's Wednesday as we were loading into the car, and Avery said "I have holes in my pants like Uncle Heath had." I of course was intrigued, but skeptical, since my first born tends to exaggerate a great deal; and there was a picture of Heath in the back of the truck. He went on to explain that during the day at school he had torn his pants, and now both knees of his jeans were ripped. He said that he had pants like Uncle Heath's because he always had holes in his pants.
The funny thing is I always used to give Heath a hard time about his jeans that were bought pre-torn. I told him if you wore them right they would eventually have holes in them. For me to get reminded that "every little thing's gonna be alright" by my son remembering my brother through the holes in his jeans was a funny blessing for the day.
--Be Excellent To Each Other
Wednesday Avery wanted to go to Macdonald's before church. He enjoys it because he gets to play with two of his friends on the playground. I hate it because the food is one grade above dirt, but I sacrifice for the children. So I was feeling sub-par after my meal at Macdonald's Wednesday as we were loading into the car, and Avery said "I have holes in my pants like Uncle Heath had." I of course was intrigued, but skeptical, since my first born tends to exaggerate a great deal; and there was a picture of Heath in the back of the truck. He went on to explain that during the day at school he had torn his pants, and now both knees of his jeans were ripped. He said that he had pants like Uncle Heath's because he always had holes in his pants.
The funny thing is I always used to give Heath a hard time about his jeans that were bought pre-torn. I told him if you wore them right they would eventually have holes in them. For me to get reminded that "every little thing's gonna be alright" by my son remembering my brother through the holes in his jeans was a funny blessing for the day.
--Be Excellent To Each Other
3.25.2011
Patience is a Virtue?
First of all...mad props to Josh Murphy, my friend in Alaska. One of the options I have on the blog is to see how many people view the blog and from where. I knocked out the US mainland, and my map looked a lot cooler because of Alaska being colored on my map as well.
I always here how patience is a virtue...I contend it is punishment. Let me explain. I can remember praying for patience, thinking I wanted to be a well rounded individual; and why not pray for it. When I became I thought God was teaching me patience. We debt with misbehavior, disrespect, and life's other difficulties in try to rationalize with 5 year old. Nothing...and I mean nothing...could prepare me for this year patience lessons from God.
This year I assistant coached for Avery's basketball team and it was tough. Kids running around, not listening, and completely tearing the heart out of a team sport by making it a one pass and run the ball straight to the goal. Then I thought the big patience lesson would come from taking care of a new born, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened today. Today I watched one of my most favorite things in the world ripped to shreds...today I watched the 6 and under T-Ball team's second practice.
I missed the first because of my class, so today I got to my first and their second practice. Whew...it was rough. I have watched my son practice and look really good as a 5 year old baseball prodigy (I say prodigy because Jill and I have been planning on retiring off of Avery's Major League Baseball salary)but today he looked like a kid on a baseball diamond. On an average play there was kid KO-ing the tee, half the team run towards the glorified bunt that was hit off the tee, and of course at least 8 kids throwing dirt into the air only to hit me in the face as the wind pushed it straight towards me. I think I see how it must be watching the stock market with money invested. Saturday Avery was hitting 45 mph batting cage balls with me thinking my future funding was set, and today I now realize I will always be a working class joe because my son wants to play with the glove on the wrong hand so he can better grip the dirt to throw straight above his head.
I remember being so obedient, and listening to every command that was given me by my coaches. I am pretty sure my technique was already flawless by practice number two. Or at least that how I remember it. I never could have imagined it would be so much fun learning patience.
--Be Excellent To Each Other
I always here how patience is a virtue...I contend it is punishment. Let me explain. I can remember praying for patience, thinking I wanted to be a well rounded individual; and why not pray for it. When I became I thought God was teaching me patience. We debt with misbehavior, disrespect, and life's other difficulties in try to rationalize with 5 year old. Nothing...and I mean nothing...could prepare me for this year patience lessons from God.
This year I assistant coached for Avery's basketball team and it was tough. Kids running around, not listening, and completely tearing the heart out of a team sport by making it a one pass and run the ball straight to the goal. Then I thought the big patience lesson would come from taking care of a new born, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened today. Today I watched one of my most favorite things in the world ripped to shreds...today I watched the 6 and under T-Ball team's second practice.
I missed the first because of my class, so today I got to my first and their second practice. Whew...it was rough. I have watched my son practice and look really good as a 5 year old baseball prodigy (I say prodigy because Jill and I have been planning on retiring off of Avery's Major League Baseball salary)but today he looked like a kid on a baseball diamond. On an average play there was kid KO-ing the tee, half the team run towards the glorified bunt that was hit off the tee, and of course at least 8 kids throwing dirt into the air only to hit me in the face as the wind pushed it straight towards me. I think I see how it must be watching the stock market with money invested. Saturday Avery was hitting 45 mph batting cage balls with me thinking my future funding was set, and today I now realize I will always be a working class joe because my son wants to play with the glove on the wrong hand so he can better grip the dirt to throw straight above his head.
I remember being so obedient, and listening to every command that was given me by my coaches. I am pretty sure my technique was already flawless by practice number two. Or at least that how I remember it. I never could have imagined it would be so much fun learning patience.
--Be Excellent To Each Other
3.21.2011
....732 days later
I thought with my "days go by" title I would actually do some day math. 732 days ago, roughly, was when Heath died. I purposely avoid the old "since he was taken home, etc" because I personally believe he is in a state of rest until judgement day. I don't do the whole "he is looking down on us" or anything like that. I think he is at peace, which is much more than the rest of us with dealing with his passing. I have yet to publish any thoughts, feelings, etc. so here goes.
For the last two years when it got too unbearable to think about his death I would write. The original plan was to write a great christian book about dealing with loss, and be able to retire at 30. I doubt that is going to happen, so for the time being it will stay buried on my hard drive. I have avoided writing on his Facebook page, his memory page, and until this weekend going to his burial site. I took Avery to the batting cages on Friday, which by the way at the age of 5 he hit at least 8 balls at 45 mph. We passed the memorial park that Heath is buried at and I told him that's where we buried him at, and he wanted to go visit. For Avery it was a fun place to walk and put a flower on his uncle's grave; for me it was a nice tree and a bench. The normal grieving process has not worked really well with my dealing with his death.
Every time I hear the "time heals all wounds" I kind of laugh. Time helps for sure, but not heal. It dulls. For months after Heath's death I found my self mad or sad all the time. Now it's just when I see pictures, hear stories, or go certain places. The pictures make me smile for a bit then remember that I can't make any more, when I hear the pictures it reminds me that they are all from when were 20 years or younger and it makes me mad, and when I get up to go to the mall or a movie I think twice because it's depressing going to places and realizing he should be beside me. I get to the point when tears fill my eyes and I just can't cry anymore. I didn't cry a lot before he passed away, but for the next year I cried a lot. I think my mind knows that my heart is wearing my body out by the emotions I am feeling and I just can't break down anymore.
I never thought I would do the angry at God or questioning him, but I did. I wanted answers, I knew I had done nothing to deserve them, but I wanted them. I wanted to know that with all the junk I see on a regular basis, why he had to take my baby brother. I regularly meditate and prayed for my answer...and waited....and waited. I don't think God was being cruel or ignoring me. I think about the time of my ultimate frustration was a year ago. I had been an emotional wreck, as well as the rest of my family, when things just started getting better. Anita found out she was pregnant, then Jill, my mom started Heath's Haven and is helping so many people with her drive that is caused by wanting to make the world better in my brother's memory. I don't think God was ignoring my pain he was just telling me to wait.
Jay and Anita let us borrow a book of names after we had already established David Taylor was it. I very proudly read that taylor meant "fixer of garments"...ouch. Mine means "gift from God" and I am so proud of it. But for me Taylor means so much more than "maker of garments"...it means "wait on the Lord" it means "the Lord is and will always be good" it means "my God knows me" it means "love the family you have and remember the ones you lost"...for me Taylor means "God loves me"
--Be Excellent To Each Other
For the last two years when it got too unbearable to think about his death I would write. The original plan was to write a great christian book about dealing with loss, and be able to retire at 30. I doubt that is going to happen, so for the time being it will stay buried on my hard drive. I have avoided writing on his Facebook page, his memory page, and until this weekend going to his burial site. I took Avery to the batting cages on Friday, which by the way at the age of 5 he hit at least 8 balls at 45 mph. We passed the memorial park that Heath is buried at and I told him that's where we buried him at, and he wanted to go visit. For Avery it was a fun place to walk and put a flower on his uncle's grave; for me it was a nice tree and a bench. The normal grieving process has not worked really well with my dealing with his death.
Every time I hear the "time heals all wounds" I kind of laugh. Time helps for sure, but not heal. It dulls. For months after Heath's death I found my self mad or sad all the time. Now it's just when I see pictures, hear stories, or go certain places. The pictures make me smile for a bit then remember that I can't make any more, when I hear the pictures it reminds me that they are all from when were 20 years or younger and it makes me mad, and when I get up to go to the mall or a movie I think twice because it's depressing going to places and realizing he should be beside me. I get to the point when tears fill my eyes and I just can't cry anymore. I didn't cry a lot before he passed away, but for the next year I cried a lot. I think my mind knows that my heart is wearing my body out by the emotions I am feeling and I just can't break down anymore.
I never thought I would do the angry at God or questioning him, but I did. I wanted answers, I knew I had done nothing to deserve them, but I wanted them. I wanted to know that with all the junk I see on a regular basis, why he had to take my baby brother. I regularly meditate and prayed for my answer...and waited....and waited. I don't think God was being cruel or ignoring me. I think about the time of my ultimate frustration was a year ago. I had been an emotional wreck, as well as the rest of my family, when things just started getting better. Anita found out she was pregnant, then Jill, my mom started Heath's Haven and is helping so many people with her drive that is caused by wanting to make the world better in my brother's memory. I don't think God was ignoring my pain he was just telling me to wait.
Jay and Anita let us borrow a book of names after we had already established David Taylor was it. I very proudly read that taylor meant "fixer of garments"...ouch. Mine means "gift from God" and I am so proud of it. But for me Taylor means so much more than "maker of garments"...it means "wait on the Lord" it means "the Lord is and will always be good" it means "my God knows me" it means "love the family you have and remember the ones you lost"...for me Taylor means "God loves me"
--Be Excellent To Each Other
3.14.2011
My father's child
So today I had an out of body experience. As a child my dad would take my brother and I to the store, and we knew it was about to rain snacks. I know he and my mom did not have a lot of money, but worked extremely hard to not let us know how poor we were. We didn't get a lot of extravagance, but my mom knew when we were snack hunting with dad the bill would be up higher than the normal grocery store run (or the gas bill if we were at a convenient store). My dad was, and is, notorious for something else...poor time management.
My dad was NOTORIOUSLY late for everything. I used to think it was out of carelessness or just rudeness. Unfortunately I have been cursed, or blessed, with the same tendency. I was always worried about doing the same, but today I really understood and appreciated more of why he is always late. He, and I, cannot say no. When people ask for help I put my needs, and my family's unfortuntatley, to make sure that the people around me are taken care of. Isn't that what church is about...community on steroids. I want to help as many people as I can while I can. But understanding balance is key too, and I have to learn to give my family times as well.
The most important part of today was Avery. I realize that the only reason I give my time, energy, and effort is because I saw my dad do it relentlessly. I remember visiting the sick, working with the elderly, singing at nursing homes, giving time to his family, the list would literally take hours. I realized that while my dad didn't always to a great job telling me how to live, he was spectacular at showing me. I realized today that for me to instill in Avery what I want him to do with his time, I must use some of mine to take him with me to see what Christians should be doing for each other.
--Be Excellent to Each Other
My dad was NOTORIOUSLY late for everything. I used to think it was out of carelessness or just rudeness. Unfortunately I have been cursed, or blessed, with the same tendency. I was always worried about doing the same, but today I really understood and appreciated more of why he is always late. He, and I, cannot say no. When people ask for help I put my needs, and my family's unfortuntatley, to make sure that the people around me are taken care of. Isn't that what church is about...community on steroids. I want to help as many people as I can while I can. But understanding balance is key too, and I have to learn to give my family times as well.
The most important part of today was Avery. I realize that the only reason I give my time, energy, and effort is because I saw my dad do it relentlessly. I remember visiting the sick, working with the elderly, singing at nursing homes, giving time to his family, the list would literally take hours. I realized that while my dad didn't always to a great job telling me how to live, he was spectacular at showing me. I realized today that for me to instill in Avery what I want him to do with his time, I must use some of mine to take him with me to see what Christians should be doing for each other.
--Be Excellent to Each Other
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